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Festive Flash Fiction Day 14: Naughty vs Nice

Keep your eyes peeled — a couple of guest posts are in the offing this week. I’m excited! But for today, the quintessential argument…

Naughty versus Nice

Comedy Tragedy

Yo – Nicey-nice! How you doin’?

I’m perfectly fine, thank you. Nifty of you to ask!

No way, nerd. You ain’t pinning that nonsense on me. I’m only into negging, Niña.

Now, don’t be noxious, Naughty.

Nuh-huh, that’s not my name.

Naughty is TOO your name. You’re my non-reputable twin — I should know.

Not any more it ain’t. Call me Not-T, yeah?

I can, but when I do, it’ll sound the same. Naughty versus Not-T. No difference orally.

Nyuk nyuk, you said ‘oral’.

Yes I did. Meaning ‘when said aloud’. Now, why don’t you say something nice for a change? Notice my niveous complexion, for example.

Niveous? That’s like a cross between hideous and nervous — so yeah that nails it. Negged!

What does that nonsense even mean?

It’s an insult cloaked in a backhanded compliment, ya nupsun.

Well, niveous means snowy white, so you may pretend all you want that you insulted me, when actually? Not.

Hey, no nutcracking.  

I wouldn’t think of it. Now stop noodling. We’re notetaking for Santa.

Nobody believes in that old noddypeak anymore.

Don’t be such a nihilist, Naughty. Numbers don’t lie. My Netherlands numerals are looking particularly neat.

Negative reinforcement, ninny. I have Black Pete in Naarden at the nonce.

Naturally you’d see it that way. But when Santa sees these numbers, he’ll know naughtiness is at a nadir this year.

Your numenism is nuts, Miss Nice, but you do have a nose for news.

Naughty — did you just say something NICE?



For the month of December, my goal is to post a piece of festive flash fiction here to the blog every day. Twenty-five stories, each 250 words or fewer — a little fictional festivity to brighten the darkest month of the year. For readers, I offer these stories as a moment of peace within a hectic month of busy. And writers? If you’d like to join me, I’ll feature any flash fiction you’d like to share!

More soon…



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