• kc dyer

Festive Flash Fiction Day 7: The Giving of Gifts

ARGH! I made it only seven days before I’ve broke my own length parameter. This story is 50 words too long, but since this kind of grammatical quarrel is a hill I have died on many a time, I somehow couldn’t manage to cut it any further…


The Giving of Gifts

May I help the next guest?

Uh — yes. I’m looking for the perfect present.

Delightful. May I ask to whom you plan to gift it, madam?

I… sorry, I’m actually looking for a present. For my girlfriend.

Exactly. Well, this is extremely tasty gingerbread, madam. I’m sure your girlfriend will be thrilled to be gifted such a delicious item.

What the hell? Gifted?

I’m sorry, madam. You don’t like gingerbread?

That’s not it at all. It’s just — you keep saying ‘gifting’. It’s giving. I’ll be giving her the gingerbread as a present.

Whatever you say madam.

I mean, it’s not a word. Gifted. Gift is a noun. The verb form is gave.

I fear you are wrong, madam. I myself have gifted on many occasions.

Okay, okay — I am wrong. Gifted is a word. But only in adjectival usage. Gifted at math. Gifted at piano.

We no longer sell pianos, madam.

That’s not my point!

And your point is, madam?

The point is, I refuse to gift anyone anything.

It’s been a pleasure serving you, madam.

No — no, don’t leave. My girlfriend loves gingerbread.

As much as she loves English-usage pedants?

Um— pardon?

The beauty of English is its versatility, madam. Parts of speech are a slippery slope.

I just want to buy this gingerbread, okay?

Repeat after me, madam. ‘I plan to gift this gingerbread…’

I— I don’t think I can do it.

How can I help you, sir?

No! No — don’t leave me.

I beg your pardon, madam, but I believe this gentleman was next.

<whispers> ‘I plan to gift this gingerbread to my girlfriend…’

One moment, sir. I seem to have forgotten to ring through this lady’s gingerbread. I’ll be with you in just a moment. One cannot stand in the way of such generous gifting, can one?

***

For the month of December, my goal is to post a piece of festive flash fiction here to the blog every day. Twenty-five stories, each 250 words or fewer — a little fictional festivity to brighten the darkest month of the year. For readers, I offer these stories as a moment of peace within a hectic month of busy. And writers? If you’d like to join me, I’ll feature any flash fiction you’d like to share!

More soon…

~kc

#FestiveFlashFiction #giving #merrymerry #gift #Advent

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